Dating a man with herpes

October 31, at 3: My head was spinning when I first told to say the least. My girlfriend opened up to me after a month of dating and copious unprotected sex that she had genital herpes, that she was on suppression medication and that she had not had an outbreak for 3 years. I myself have cold sores and to be perfectly honest I definitely did not know as much as I do now about the disease.

I thought it to be very very contagious even when dormant. So, she told me and I freaked out. I was torn because I do love her and I could see myself spending the rest of my life with her but, even the best laid plans go awry.

I would then have to try and find love with an STI which frankly scares a lot of people away. These scenarios are still a possibility but after reading your personal experiences about opening up to potential partners before you slept together has made me feel much better about taking the risk.

September 20, at In the past I thought I would have ran away from someone who were to tell me this, but in reality it did not phase my attraction to her at all what so ever. Yes I did have questions and concerns but I feel we are closer now than ever and are able to talk about anything without criticism or judgment from each other.

I have never experience this type of relationship before and perhaps that is why so many have failed for me in the past. I care about her deeply and hope to continue to grow our relationship much further. September 15, at 9: July 21, at 9: But, in reality, it is no big deal. The chances of their having something passed to them from one of these other women is probably better than from me, because I take suppressive drugs and am careful.

Good for you for educating yourself! August 10, at Dawson, Well written think these and I applaud you for tackling this head on. As a person with HSV1 common cold sore i. Herpes I believe I most likely contracted it from my mother as a child. I am obsessive about protecting my partners. I would not rule out a partner based on an STI. Your observation about distilling someone down to an infection was spot on.

Thank you for taking the time to write this piece it was insightful. August 16, at 6: How and when do you tell them about it? For me I hated that it looked like someone had given me a fat lip. But I see no more reason to tell someone about cold sores than anything else. You know herpes is the virus behind lots of things, right? To manage your cold sores , ask your doctor for a valcyclovir or acyclovir prescription.

It cures them fast. I think the way nick handles his outbreaks makes a lot of sense Pony says: August 5, at 7: That tension and desire to hold my breath I get when I hear some kid coughing in the supermarket. The visceral horror people have about leprosy, which is also sort of a skin condition. Even the whole genre of zombie movies. Something about contagious disease itself is inherently frightening. To clarify this a bit!

I also have HSV So does my mom. She got it from kissing family members at a Christmas party. There was nothing remotely sexual about it for me, and most of this was before I even knew what sex was. I just found the idea of catching something you have for life scary.

I later had outbreaks, as an adult. I could have had it from years, from some asymptomatic shedding kiss. But it did upset me a lot at first, and I did feel dirty and tainted. Not sexually, but rather more generally than that. I felt unfit for even platonic human contact. This was also many years ago and I was pretty ignorant about not only this particular virus and how common it is, but how our bodies in general are full of all kinds of viruses and bacteria and assorted passengers.

The microbiome is truly huge and complex: Many, many microorganisms we encounter in our environment enter us and change us. Some help us, some hurt us, many are entirely neutral. We all have microscopic mites living in our pores and on our eyelashes too. And while it upset me to know I had it for life, I also have the chicken pox virus which is another variant of herpes for life—I contracted it before the vaccine existed.

Age and experience also taught me that everything changes. Things break, things go wrong. So many things in my life have turned out for the worse, or left lasting scars. Some of the changes have even been positive, or at least things that eventually brought me somewhere worth going. I understand why a younger me was afraid of change, and why change for the worse was a terrifying concept, but I also see now that herpes or no herpes, change for the worse was inevitable.

To change is to live. Most of what we experience we carry with us in some way. But my animal brain is freaking out about the possibility of infection, and sexual desire is a very fickle feeling. No one wants to get sick, really. I also have eczema, which is a skin condition. The more stigma and shame there is, the more people will be afraid to get testing, and afraid to disclose.

They can act on that fear, or they can research and see if their feelings change with more knowledge. And yeah, asking you in particular about it is callous and insensitive.

We all bring our full personhoods to our relationships, and that includes emotions like fear. Forcing themselves into situations just to avoid feeling like bad people is actually likely to make the fear worse and foster resentment. But they might also decline, go on their way, and catch it from a toddler who picks their sore and rubs their hands on everything. Or from sharing a toothbrush with a platonic friend.

Or from platonic kissing at a family gathering. So it is pretty silly to pass on a promising relationship. But people have the right to be silly. People have the right to be afraid for stupid reasons, or say no for any reason or no reason at all.

Just as I hope others will be realistic about human biology, I try to be realistic about human psychology. Fear of infection, like herpes itself, is common and something humanity is probably stuck with.


Although it may feel this way when you’re dating, herpes is hardly “one of the greatest barriers to a relationship.” Statistically, I’ve read that 25% of women and 20% of men have genital herpes. I wish it weren't true, but I have contracted the virus for genital herpes. And, one of the greatest dichotomies is that the VERY thing, for me, that demonstrates my true love for a man is to have an intimate sexual relationship with him.

Total 1 comments.
#1 28.08.2018 Š² 10:31 Dprjones:
With more, webmaster sadly nakreativil!